Kenton Got Run Over By A Ford Truck

Ken wasn’t always around for me to torment with my pranks and such, one of which I detailed recently in the blog post, Ken Almost Wins One. The best one I ever pulled on Ken—possibly the best April Fool’s prank ever—is detailed in the story, April Fools, Little Brother. I told the story about one of Ken’s unwitting repalcements in my blog post, The Apprentice. This is a little poem I wrote about that young man, Kenton Heinze. It is best read with the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer in mind. Enjoy!

Kenton Got Run Over By A Ford Truck

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

’cause he got too mouthy with the boss

A vote was took among all the workers

It was agreed it wasn’t a big loss

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

Left old Charlie wondrin’ what to do

The workers wouldn’t clean the big mess up

Because it smelled like rancid barbecue

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

When he came out of the porta-pot

Charlie looked real sad when he stopped laughin’

Then said “oops, I tried but couldn’t stop”

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

Then Kelly came to peel him off the grass

She said yes that’s my darlin’ Kenton

I can tell it’s him by that big wide…. Wellllll

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

Now he won’t be botherin’ us no more

Kelly says she’ll use him for a rug now

If she can get his big butt through the door

Kenton got run over by a Ford truck

‘cause he mouthed off to the boss again

but now you could say it’s a mixed up blessing

‘cause we don’t think he’s ever been this thin

Copyright 1995 © C. Mashburn


  1. Sherry Mashburn said

    I remember this was read at the company Christmas party . . . much to Kenton’s chagrin!

    • I’f I remember right, Kenton lost about eighty pounds the following year, and showed up at that years Christmas party wearing the same suit he’d worn the year before. It hung on him like a football jersey on a wire coat hanger.

  2. Haha, thank you for the chuckle Charles!

  3. ken said

    Wow ! You are one evil Bastard Bro, with friends like you Kenton don’t need no enemies! Just Sayin; Cheers Ken

    • Spoken like a seasoned veteran. I made sure Kenton knew he was just a sub, because you weren’t around for me to torment. He handled it all with his chin up, knowing he was just a dummy for the real dummy!

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