Stay Tuned

When I was a kid, I used to love to watch baseball games on Saturday. Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese were a fun part of the show. Not as many cameras back then, so Pee Wee would tell us what happened, and Dizzy would make a joke about it, or say how we should use Burma Shave when we got old enough. They took Dizzy off the air because he used bad grammar and some teacher said he might teach kids the wrong way to talk. He’d fit right in today. I don’t watch baseball too much anymore, but tune in to a football game now and then. I’ve gotten to where I sometimes turn off the sound, so I can enjoy the game without all the “facts”.

Stay Tuned

 

Good evening, ladies and gents

Our program tonight is brought to you

In living color

Unless you’re still in the dark ages

In which case, you still view things

In grainy black and white

 

No matter, fear not, for on my right

Sits our color commentator

Spinning your blending shades of gray

Using pixels of every hue

And screaming like Janice in rehab…

Wondering who turned off her TV

 

Our man knows not only all things

About how the game is played

He knows why the game is played

What should have happened

And what will happen

On every down and play

 

A pass should have been a run

Timeout should not have been called

The coaches job is on the line

A new stadium, or we’re out of here

The tailback is the best ever was

If he could just hold onto the ball

 

Afterward stayed tuned

Especially if you’re a gamer with cable

The fights between angry fans

Who watched the game in the parking lot

(And forgot to take their meds)

Will be shown with no commercial interruptions

 

Copyright © 2013 C Mashburn

 

Sharing this with the gang at dVerse Poets Pub on their weekly Poetics feature. Brian has suggested we write about Reaching the Masses; something about the media. My mind flipped through a hundred channels on the topic, but I decided to just have some fun with it.

32 Comments »

  1. claudia said

    hehe…sometimes a bit commentator can spoil the whole game…we sometimes switch between the swiss and german commentator during football games…big difference…but maybe even better to switch the volume off..ha..

    • I’ve been known to listen to the game on radio and turn the sound off on the TV. Radio guys are sometimes better than TV.
      Thanks, Claudia!

  2. claudia said

    i meant to say a bad commentator..

  3. anl4 said

    Baseball is still fun, sometimes.

  4. Grace said

    Listening to the way sports commentator handle the live sport is sure interesting ~ Statistics and side comments make it even more lively. And yes, fans’ fights in the parking lot takes the cake….Sports bring out the passion in people, good and bad ~

    • Definitely brings out the passion in some. I used to be one of the passionate ones, then figured out it really didn’t matter in the overall scheme of things. I enjoy it more this way, too.
      Thanks, Grace!

  5. That was funny !! loved the rhyme, the playfulness, the critique.
    I could almost hear you rappin’ it.
    I don’t watch sports or commercial TV, you made me glad for my choices. 🙂

    • I watch less and less all the time, Sabio. TV is not my favorite source of entertainment.
      Thank you for the visit and comment!

      • My pleasure. Again, nice writing (a far better way to spend our time).

  6. kkkkaty said

    Terrific write.. those were the days ..thanks for the memory…also that constant commentary in the background of our lives is multiplied today….

    • You are so right, Kayt! It IS like we have constant commentary on our lives.
      Thanks for the visit and comment!

  7. ha…color commentators are funny…you are right in that they know it all and second guess everything, prognosticators of the future of the game…the fights in the parking lot between fans…sadly all the more common place these days…

  8. Susan said

    Ha! What a world…remember Kurt Goudy and the agony of defeat? No more losers Kurt. Which begs the question, what’s a winner look like? I guess gray trumps those colors.

    • Oh, sure, I remember all them guys! I was working at the drive through in a fast food joint many many many years ago, and over the drive in speaker comes this melodic voice ordering something or the other. With no hesitation,I shouted, “Hey! That’s Chris Shenkel!” and run over to the window, stuck my head out, grinning like a loon, and watched him drive up. I figure he was probably used to nuts like me.

      • Susan said

        Cool! and yes, probably used to nuts like you. BTW -I love nuts! 😉

      • I shoulda said kooks…
        Thanks, Susan!

  9. Loved your “gaming” take. The fans can be a crazy lot, for sure. And those now it all announcers who have a “view” for everything. Well done!

  10. looks like your dreams have come true… Mr. Announcer

  11. Tony said

    LOL – but you already knew I’d do that, because one of the commentators told you 😀

    Nice write Charles. BTW did you know expert is a term of abuse over here. The reason? Ex is a has been and spurt is a drip under pressure 🙂

    • Oh, yeah, you right, I did know that. I’ve heard about that word usage. Makes sense to me!
      Thanks, Tony!

  12. Mary said

    Charles, I hear you on this. I get so tired of all of the sports announcers pontificating about this and and that and letting everyone know what the calls SHOULD have been, etc. I never thought of turning the sound off. But that sounds like a good idea. A relevant write, Charles.

    • I really do enjoy the games more without the sound.
      Thanks for the visit and comment, Mary!

  13. With footy season right around the corner I dread the commentators…they’re so loud and sometimes unlike your commentators they don’t seem to know the rules…they argue about it so often. We used to have a comedy duo that made the games a lot of fun but they’ve been off the air for a while now unfortunately. So I guess I better buy myself a good pair of earplugs. Terrific write Charles. 🙂

    • I’ve never watched a footie game, but I’ve seen clips, and the announcers are pretty hilarious. Hard enough to understand, what with the accent, but they talk so fast and loud!
      Thanks for stopping by, Dianne! I appreciate the comment!

  14. Reblogged this on Marbles In My Pocket ~ The Official Blog of Charles L. Mashburn ~ Poems, Short Stories, and random thoughts from the author of "Be Still… and know that I am God" and commented:

    The other day, I was telling a teenager about how I often watched football with the sound off so as to avoid the constant spewing of drivel from the “expert” commentators. They were horrified. “So, you just sit there in total silence for three hours?” I answered her with silence.

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