Wanting Something

Do you ever think about an old friend, and wonder what happened to them; where they are now? Do you wonder why you lost touch with them; why they didn’t care about you enough to stay in touch, and remain a part of your life? I do, and it usually comes down to the fact I didn’t try to remain a part of theirs. It’s one of those things I tend to beat myself up about. Maybe I’ve got time to fix it.

Wanting Something

 

It’s too easy to leave

Ask the countless people

I’ve left in my wake

As I blasted by them

 

To stay or go

Was never the question

Never slowing down long enough

To know I was loved

 

Oh, I knew it

I could feel it

I pretended not to see

Played dumb

 

Said I didn’t care

Lying through my teeth

Wanting something

Not sure what

 

It took me way too long

To realize what I was doing

The devastation I was leaving behind

By resisting the temptation

 

The temptation to let myself

Be loved by someone

The temptation to admit

I loved someone

 

I could just cry

 

Copyright © 2013 C Mashburn

 

Mary has asked us to write about temptation tonight on dVerse Poets Pub’s Poetics feature. I thought about it all afternoon, then after reading a text message from my stepdaughter who I recently saw for the first time in 15 years–give or take–it hit me. The above poem is what came out.

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49 Comments »

  1. Sherry Mashburn said

    true for so many . . .

  2. feel you man…i went through several years like this before i met my wife….hurt and jaded, i was not a rather nice person…and to let someone love you…nice man..good on you for getting to see your stepdaughter as well…smiles.

  3. Mary said

    Oh, this is strong, Charles. The temptation to love, the temptation to be loved. Whew!

  4. Adura Ojo said

    Wow! Proof that not all temptation is bad. I love your take on the prompt.

  5. We will never know, won’t we, until we try and stay ~ The ending is sad Charles ~

    • I’m not really sad about it, Grace. I’m learning all the time. Sure makes me think I wish I’d known then, what I know now.

  6. The good news is we live in a world where reconnection is easier than ever before if we desire it. Thanks for this exhortation

    • Yes, and I am so thankful for that! Funny thing happened tonight: one old school chum reached out after seeing the poem; I had already planned a trip to AZ to spend time with another old bud, and a third one called to tell me he was coming to see me while I was there. Oh, and the one who reached out after seeing the poem IMed and said he was going to AZ the same week I am. Pretty cool, huh?

      • Raivenne said

        Very cool and serendipitous. Wait… this isn’t the Four Horsemen gathering is it? 😉 I kid! I kid!

      • If it’s the four horsemen, I’ll be the one on the dead horse. (You should know, you cain’t kid a kidder 🙂 )

  7. I relate to this very strongly Charles I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have done this myself and still do it honestly. I am grateful everyday that I let my husband in. I have started to talk to a few of the people I left behind in high school online I am amazed that they hadn’t forgotten me since its been a very long time but there are some I burnt bridges with and there is no going back and it breaks my heart.

    The prompt this week is Stigma if you are interested its up

    • Oh, I bet we’re not alone in this. I have a feeling many people do it. Maybe not in quite the same way, but the way a lot of folks move around these days, it’s not an uncommon thing; leaving friends behind.
      I’m in (almost 🙂 ) on the prompt.

      • This is the link I am getting for the prompt I want to be sure I got it right

      • I’m not sure I understand this comment. No… wait… I’m sure I don’t understand this comment!

      • For some reason the link to this poem is under Mr. Linky, I don’t know Charles but Mr. Linky is pretty suspicious sometimes

      • I don’t know how that happened. Must have been somewhere between cup one and cup two. You can remove it if you want. Although, it kind of fits the prompt too. A teaser for the one that follows?

      • I think this poem is wonderful Charles I feel its fine where it is no reason to remove it at all (no matter how it got there) and you can add the other one as you like. Mr. Linky doesn’t always allow me to delete things sometimes the x’s are there sometimes they aren’t I am using the free version and you really do get what you pay for in this case lol

      • I like it! Just put the new one on Mr. Linky! Going to share it on Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday, too. Not a perfect fit for her prompt, but she’s used to that. It’s how I roll! 🙂

      • hehe I have never heard of Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday. I just read your submission Charles so heartbreaking

      • You should check out Kellie’s site. She writes awesome poetry!
        http://kellieelmore.com/

      • I will thanks Charles

  8. Raivenne said

    The temptation to even allow oneself to be loved is so much harder for many. Yeah, I felt that one,

  9. zongrik said

    sometimes a component of temptation is lying through the teeth, not letting anything know just how much….

    sexy hits the streets

  10. Everyone needs to love and be loved – everyone!

  11. Oh yes, we can be so good at resisting some type of temptations that we miss our chanses. Hopefully there are bridges to be mended and friendshipe to rekindle as you say in your comment above… Good luck

    • I’ve been in the construction business all my life. Never built any bridges, but I’m betting I can!
      Thanks, Bjorn!

  12. Truedessa said

    Wow, another good one here..powerful thoughts..the last stanza stands out with it’s message..I could just cry..tears of sadness..well done..

  13. The temptation to let myself
    Be loved by someone
    The temptation to admit
    I loved someone
     
    — you just told a part of me… ah, how cruel i must have been…
     

  14. Powerful write here, the internet seems to enhance the possibility of reconnection. Better late than never, we live we learn, still time left !!

  15. Old Grizz said

    There is a little bit of all of us in this poem and that is what good writing is all about. We read, we relate, we say, hey, that’s me, but he says it better that I do.

  16. It’s scary to be loved sometimes…taking a chance to be vulnerable it’s a big step and so much that we miss because of that fear. Very sad but how often it happens… awesome write Charles!

  17. Anna :o] said

    Excellent self-observation Charles.

    We are funny old things – sometimes shutting out those who show the potential of love and/or friendship as a defence mechanism – lest letting someone in makes us vulnerable to hurt. So we hurt ourselves and others…

    Anna :o]

  18. coastalmom said

    This is purely honest and I love it.
    My ex husband let me go… when I said I couldn’t live with his addiction anymore. I told him that I loved him and I would wait and stand beside him while he recovered. He said he didn’t want me to. So I left. Later he acted as if he didn’t care while he babysat so I could go out with someone who later became my current husband now. Later, he stayed in our home over the holidays and acted as if it didn’t hurt that another man was raising his family. Later he finally told someone he did care. It was too late.
    He is dead. (Too much hard living) But it’s not too late for you. Tell someone you care today!

    • I don’t know if you meant this comment for me, but I’m fine. The poem is pure poetic introspection.
      Thank you!

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