Posts Tagged just kidding

Grandpa Does it Again!

Bill, Sawyer, Haynes, Tracey, Me (2)

The grandson is home from UT for spring break, which got extended for the Corona scare, so yesterday we had a little get-together.

We were just standing around shootin’ the breeze, when I leaned into the boy and said, “Got any tattoos yet?” Every head in the room snapped my way, the boy looked down at me, grinned and chuckled, then mayhem ensued. Shots were fired!

Actually, they don’t own any guns and the shots were merely daggers fired at me from the eyes of all present. Except the granddaughter. She was behind me, but got me with a well-placed “accidental, I’m sure” elbow to the ribs as she walked past on her way to assist her grandmother, who was spitting and sputtering, having apparently shot a mouthful of iced tea out her nose.

Turns out the boy doesn’t have any tattoos yet, but I think the granddaughter might be hiding something.

Apparently, their mom and dad are “kind of” against the idea of ink on their babies and didn’t want me putting ideas in their heads. Who knew?

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Don’t Buy That House!

Yard 9-2019I’d just finished the yard—which is looking pretty good, if I don’t say so myself—and was sitting in a lawn chair cooling off, when I noticed a guy looking at the house behind ours. He was about my age and looked to be very interested in the house. He must’ve walked around it five or six times. As he finally seemed to be finished and started toward his pickup, I went over to the fence and said howdy, then asked him if he was looking to buy the house or paint it. He caught my sarcasm and chuckled, then said, “Buy it. The realtor hasn’t shown up yet. She’s late. You know anything about the house?” I said, “No, but I do know the nearest neighbor’s kinda mean and can be pretty difficult sometimes.” He glanced around then asked, “Which one?” I threw a thumb over my shoulder at my house. He grinned, frowned, grinned, frowned, then looked at me like we might be fixin to fight. I laughed, put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry ‘bout it though. Her husband’s a real nice guy.”

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Police! Open Up!

Thankfully, I’ve never heard those words from the other side of my front door. I was, however, visited by an officer of the law yesterday. He rang the bell and waited patiently for me to answer. Then! Four of them pounced on me, cuffed me and dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the van parked at the curb!
I’m kidding!

policemanI am a much too calm and collected person to have screamed and kicked. What were you thinking?

There was only one of them, and he asked me, very politely, to turn around so he could cuff me.

Still kidding!

Okay! I’m making all this up!

Here’s what really happened (honest):

About an hour before the officer arrived at my door, I had answered the bell to find an extremely angry woman on the stoop. She demanded to know if two young boys lived with me, and I assured her that was not the case. Not curtailed by my blank expression of wonder, and quick denial of what she thought to be fact, she proclaimed they had been seen running into my back yard by her son, who they had just robbed.

I calmly informed her that this was not possible in light of the fact both the gates to my back yard are bolted. The thieves would have had to climb the six-foot privacy fence, and seeing how said fence is a bit aged, I don’t think it would’ve withstood a climbing by the alleged (thought I better throw that in) thieves.

Hoping to get this angry woman off my front porch, I had her follow me to the back yard, where we made sure no hoodlums were skulking. The yard was empty, and the gate bolts were in place.

The woman, seemingly satisfied a gang of thieves was not hiding in my yard or elsewhere in the house, stalked off to the neighbor’s house to interrogate them. Her son—he looked to be about twelve but big for his age–followed along behind her, but not  before casting a sidelong glance at me which said, “Help!” Even the glance was filled with timidity. Poor kid; he was probably wishing he hadn’t told his mom somebody had stolen his Ipod from him.

A police officer did show up about an hour later, and he is the real reason I’m writing this. I would like to give him some kudos. Officer Kling of the College Station Police Department was what I hope all officers of the law could be. He was friendly, courteous, respectful, and expressed a sincere concern over the theft that had occurred earlier.

NOTE: I wrote this little story in a humorous vein, but my true intent was to commend this fine young man. If any of you have the means of forwarding this to his superiors, please feel free to do so. Guys (and gals) like Officer Gatlin Kling need to know their efforts, and their professional behavior, are very much appreciated!

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Announcement!

The second and final installment of Go Get the Drew Twins has been rescheduled. Please go to the blog for date and time. Read the rest of this entry »

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